Posts tagged #undateable

Reason #5

Here's the lesson: Don't talk so much. 

 

Via text, to a cute guy I'd met, hung out with once over the course of an evening. The next day, I couldn't tell if he was just being cordial, so I tried to hint I wanted to see him again.

Me:  Yeah, sometimes I am too friendly and just talk at people. I can't tell if they're interested or just being nice. So. That.

Him:  No worries, can't help being yourself.


So (literally) Undateable.

Posted on May 12, 2014 and filed under Dating.

Rather, Exclusively Dateable

So I've received a lot of concerned comments from friends since I started the Undateable series of posts.

It is a joke.

Yesterday, an especially sweet friend chided me, telling me I am rather, actually, "exclusively dateable."

Let's clear the air: I'm not fishing for compliments. I'm not filled with despair or low self-esteem. I'm not doomed to never date again (should I ever choose to, my choice!).

I will illustrate how I mean this, with a real world example. I actually had this dilemma yesterday.


You realize the outfit you want to wear calls for two pairs of hands to get dressed. A roommate or significant other to ask, "Hey! Can you help me zip this?" 

You get it half zipped. You're stuck. 

Do you:

A. Burst into tears while yanking the dress back over your head, breaking the zipper, opting for a different option better suited for your spinsterhood.

B. Shrug, throw on a cardigan, planning on pulling a friend into the ladies' room to help you out once at the office.

C. Think about it for a moment, breathe, remember you are flexible enough through your shoulders and calmly zip that shit yourself.


My answer is C.

I'm not undateable in that I am a horrible, annoying, intolerable person by any means. I'm "undateable" in that I am too independent. Assertive. Confident. Ambitious. Outspoken. And generally intimidating.

I solve my own problems. I will never be a damsel in distress.

Essentially, I would make one hell of a bachelor. 

Posted on January 29, 2014 and filed under Dating.

Reason #3

Disclaimer: he was hot. I was bored. I may have also been drunk OkCupiding.

Me:  DREAMBOAT

Dude:  Hello there

Dude:  You like kissing huh?

Me:  Oh, hi! Duh, who doesn't like kissing? Oh I know, assholes.

Dude:  Hahaha hello cutie. Yes. One day lets kiss then cutie

Me:  What, no foreplay? Is cuddling negotiable?

Dude:  Oh don't worry lots of foreplay and cuddling

Me:  How many pillows? How many blankets? Socks or no socks? It is goddamn cold.

Dude:  Lots of both plus lots of nakedness

Me:  Oh my! I like your messages, keep them coming (NOTE: this is where I am mistaken)

Dude:  I like your face and wanna see you naked. Hump you hard.

Dude:  5555555555. Text me a sexy pic girl

Me:  [texts a photo of cats, in space, with pizza]


Undateable.

Posted on January 25, 2014 and filed under Dating.

Reason #2

At my apartment, after a night out.

"Let me slip into something a little more comfortable."

I change into a flannel pajama set, matching top and bottom, printed with puppies.


(Unsexy and thus) Undateable.

Posted on January 24, 2014 and filed under Dating.

Reason #1

In conversation with one of my straight male friends, he offered me some dating advice.

"You have to reveal the like, 10 things you're good at, one at a time. Like one a week. You can't share it all at once at the very beginning. Gotta keep some mystery."

I nodded.

"But what if you're just good at everything? I'm good at everything."

Crickets.


I am Undateable.

Posted on January 22, 2014 and filed under Dating.