My single lady group quickly dwindled between October and November, and I found my party posse was often just a party of two. I don't know if it was change in seasons or my habitually staying out till all hours that thinned out the ranks; but when it came down to it, it was just me and my main squeeze every weekend. Bless her.
There's some safety in numbers, though. And while neither of us could necessarily be held responsible for the other disappearing into a dark corner or being spirited away by a stranger, I'd certainly like to believe we were both emboldened by each other's presence to mercilessly reject the most ridiculous kinds of suitors.
Which is why I was shocked when she texted me one day.
"Do you want to go on another blind date with two guys?"
(I mean, did you guys read the Grouper story? She was there, why would we ever do that again?!)
"This profile on OkCupid messaged me, and they're in town for the weekend. They said they'd buy us dinner."
She shoots me a username.
"Okay, first of all, there is ZERO information on this profile. Secondly, there are no photos. Why would I consider this sketchy date? I can afford dinner, thanks."
Sidenote: one of my biggest pet peeves on the site is that profiles are not monitored in any way, because it is a free service. If someone messages me with zero photos, or no clear photos, I have no problem immediately sassing them, "If you wanted to meet me, I wouldn't even know what you look like. Not enough photos. Get on your selfie game."
But also, because part of what takes people into a non-friend zone is physical attraction, because biology, right?
She keeps persisting. She says they will take us to my favorite bar, which nobody ever wants to go to.
I start relenting.
"Alright, do NOT give these bozos your number. But you can give them my SnapChat. I will give them one chance to send a photo."
I get a new Snap. It's one guy. My brain does the RED ALERT STRANGER DANGER thing.
For some reason, that doesn't come off as a rejection to him. You have to hand it to this guy for being persistent.
I receive a hastily handwritten note in response. I take screenshots to share with my lady.
She stills thinks it will be a great idea. I know it will not. I demand a cancellation.
Why would we meet in a hotel bar? Why would I meet somebody with zero background information? Do they pass both psychopath and pervert tests? Eh.
She FINALLY FINALLY cancels.
At the last minute.
But then, a few days later, the SnapChats keep rolling in. Because I am an idiot and didn't close the line of communication.
I am no stranger to meeting people "from the Internet" and have no qualms about online dating--my last serious boyfriend and I actually connected through a Twitter hashtag! However, I do take issue with folks trying to lure young women into hotel rooms. Just, no.