Where Have You Been? Or What It's Like To Be Boo'd Up and "Busy"

Photo by Liz West on Flickr: https://flic.kr/p/7jktEY

Photo by Liz West on Flickr: https://flic.kr/p/7jktEY

On being not-single and having a social life. Or not having one, due to factors out of your control.

I've never really been somebody who has anything even close to FOMO. I focus on being too busy planning things other people wouldn't miss out on to notice I'm missing anything.

But I was haplessly whizzing through my Instagram feed this morning and noticed, oh. This annual event I usually attend occurred on schedule. And oh, I wasn't invited this year. And this time, I took notice.

It's funny. I feel like this ties directly into a recurring phenomenon that emerged when I became not-single. Friends I've only seen sporadically in the past few months have commented, "Where have you been? I never see you anymore!"

To which I respond, "I know, let's hang out soon!" but I really mean, What do you mean? Where have you been? I'm still doing the same things we used to do together.

Yes, I'll admit, I did serve as the baton twirler in the singles parade while I was marching in it. I was the party planner, the instigator, the friend who always came back from the bar with another round of shots.

Sure, some of my days are now otherwise occupied in a party of two, but that doesn't mean I don't know how to Turn Down for What, or make a party playlist, or help cut out construction paper decorations, or whip up a mean cheese-laden potluck dish. The status change didn't destroy all these social skills cultivated for any occasion.

My Significant Other and I were recently surprised to discover we had this same unspoken goal. We both made promises to ourselves that we wouldn't lose touch with friends. And darn it, if I haven't kept up my end of the bargain–some of my friends I talk to every week, if not every single day. Anyone I haven't seen?

Well, I follow a rule of 3. One of my girlfriends came up with it–if you are invited to spend time with somebody, and you would like to continue to spend time with them, you'd better not decline their invitations, at least not three times in a row. I'll do you one better. I am a persistent follow-up-er. Some folks I asked up to six times before I stopped asking. A combination of work's-been-so-busys and I-forgot-to-responds and a surprising number of no-response-at-alls later, I'm just confused.

So yeah, guys, where have you been?

Posted on November 24, 2014 and filed under Culture.