My dating ban, my hiatus, my celibacy pact to myself: I called it off.
Why? Well, to restrain myself from attempting to meet somebody, I had to literally hole myself up. I had to place myself in social quarantine.
That kind of isolation goes against the fundamental grain of my personality. I crave interaction with other humans. I go stir crazy almost immediately. I can't be held down. Trapped anywhere. Think you get cabin fever? You have no idea what you're talking about.
During this break of a few weeks, I got a lot of reading done, and spent much more time than usual being domesticated. I started hanging out more with my girlfriends, doing teenaged slumber party activities. My single person spirit guide and I even invented a new game. Sounds like it wasn't so bad, yeah?
But then the crazies started coming out of the woodwork. In spades.
People I haven't spoken to in years. People I had met only once. Exes who'd sworn they never wanted to speak to me again. Friends who were clearly situated in friend-zone territory. Most surprisingly: guys I had met on OkCupid and hadn't heard from in several weeks.
Something about the particularly harsh winter set off whatever it is in men's brains that causes them to seek out their own little polar vortex. For snuggling, against the chill of the real polar vortex swirling outside.
I had to start keeping a list. I kept track until I had up to seven awkward conversations. (It's in my nature to want to immediately diffuse all awkward situations at all times, but yikes, there is a limit!)
I had to be clever with how I would rebuff advances, "I'm in a pretty serious relationship right now."
"Yeah. We're engaged."
"Food and I are very happy. Great to hear from you!"
But FINALLY, fortunately, these magic moments have faded away.
Which means everyone is starting to thaw out of Winter Lonely mode. Which means everyone is past Woe Is Me Valentine's Day Is Coming mode. Which means I think I will stop being the sidekick, the good sport, the wingman, and finally take my love life back on center stage.
Steel yourself. I sense more insane stories to unfold here shortly.