The Darndest Things

I read this Gawker article several weeks ago, and accidentally stayed up ridiculously late reading up on the art of picking up. As in women.

It was pretty fascinating, the same way anything describable as a "trainwreck" is fascinating.

So when I thought about things that have been said to me in person, I think I have been lucky in that I have never crossed paths with any of these bozos.

Here's a sampling, and possibly, now that it's spring, we'll have more.

I Just Wanna Dance With Somebody

When happening upon me on the dance floor, which I tend to own. Apparently I only exude pure joy when dancing.

"You're the happiest person alive. I have to dance with you."

Are You... Okay?

At that awkward moment at the end of a date, where I was trying to use my body language to ask, "Are you going to kiss me?" Instead, I must be twitchy and weirdly winky while maintaining heavy eye contact (ahem, Undateable).

"You have a lot of... facial expressions. You're very expressive." 

(Kiss received, so not a total loss.)

Modern Day Poet Society

At the bar, I ask, "So, what do you do?"

"For work? What a boring question. In life? I am a philosopher and a poet."

I eye his suspenders and bow tie and quietly agree.

Wait, So Is This a Date?

Several dates into a past relationship, when talking about the first time we ever spent time together. We went to see a movie.

"I knew it probably wasn't a date that night, but I couldn't stop thinking, Must. Touch. Knee. I'm glad it worked out."

On Having a Specific Haircut

During the course of an evening while talking to a handsome stranger, I admit, "I was really only supposed to talk to you because my friend thought you were cute. But then she got too shy when I introduced you."

"Oh really? I noticed you right away. Your bangs."

(I blushed. That man deserves a prize, as that's hard to do.)

Dude, Dude

I was feeling playful and approached a tall, freckled, sweater-vested, bow-tied guy one night on the dance floor.

"Dance with me!"

"Dude, I can't!"

"...What? Why not?"

"Dude, you're too cute. Cute girls don't talk to me."

(How can this be simultaneously so endearing but so self-deprecating? I danced at him until he broke into a shy smile.)

Smells Like Jiners Spirit

Somebody Special, not so long ago.

"At work, somebody walked by wearing your perfume. I had to stop and sniff sniff look around to make sure it wasn't you. The only person there was just some other girl. Sigh."

Kiss Me, You Fool

In that really intense moment, after we had talked for hours, eyes locked, electricity in the air. 

(Are you going to kiss me? Are we even flirting right now?)

He pauses in conversation.

"Oh, you. Come here."

I bridge the three feet between us, smile.

He pauses.

"Wait. Are you going to write about this on your blog?"

Men are adorable. I love them all.

Posted on March 25, 2014 and filed under Dating.