Two Random Dudes: The Art of Rejection, Through SnapChat

My single lady group quickly dwindled between October and November, and I found my party posse was often just a party of two. I don't know if it was change in seasons or my habitually staying out till all hours that thinned out the ranks; but when it came down to it, it was just me and my main squeeze every weekend. Bless her.

There's some safety in numbers, though. And while neither of us could necessarily be held responsible for the other disappearing into a dark corner or being spirited away by a stranger, I'd certainly like to believe we were both emboldened by each other's presence to mercilessly reject the most ridiculous kinds of suitors.

Which is why I was shocked when she texted me one day.

"Do you want to go on another blind date with two guys?"

(I mean, did you guys read the Grouper story? She was there, why would we ever do that again?!)

"This profile on OkCupid messaged me, and they're in town for the weekend. They said they'd buy us dinner."

She shoots me a username.

"Okay, first of all, there is ZERO information on this profile. Secondly, there are no photos. Why would I consider this sketchy date? I can afford dinner, thanks."

--

Sidenote: one of my biggest pet peeves on the site is that profiles are not monitored in any way, because it is a free service. If someone messages me with zero photos, or no clear photos, I have no problem immediately sassing them, "If you wanted to meet me, I wouldn't even know what you look like. Not enough photos. Get on your selfie game."

But also, because part of what takes people into a non-friend zone is physical attraction, because biology, right?

--

She keeps persisting. She says they will take us to my favorite bar, which nobody ever wants to go to.

I start relenting.

"Alright, do NOT give these bozos your number. But you can give them my SnapChat. I will give them one chance to send a photo."

I get a new Snap. It's one guy. My brain does the RED ALERT STRANGER DANGER thing.

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I should have just let it go, but I couldn't help but respond.

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Short hair? Is he ginger or brunette? Go home stranger, you are drunk.

For some reason, that doesn't come off as a rejection to him. You have to hand it to this guy for being persistent.

I receive a hastily handwritten note in response. I take screenshots to share with my lady. 

She stills thinks it will be a great idea. I know it will not. I demand a cancellation.

Why would we meet in a hotel bar? Why would I meet somebody with zero background information? Do they pass both psychopath and pervert tests? Eh.

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Gold underwear?!

She FINALLY FINALLY cancels.

At the last minute. 

I relax.

But then, a few days later, the SnapChats keep rolling in. Because I am an idiot and didn't close the line of communication.

I am no stranger to meeting people "from the Internet" and have no qualms about online dating--my last serious boyfriend and I actually connected through a Twitter hashtag! However, I do take issue with folks trying to lure young women into hotel rooms. Just, no.

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Um, you are correct.

Why Are You Single?

This comes up very quickly, especially if a date is going well.

As if singledom implies something is wrong with me, or perhaps I've made some unusual choices to lead me here. I would like to think I have ended up here, almost by accident, but it's quite difficult to explain.

In having this exact conversation, I explained to one especially eligible bachelor, "I am open to all experiences. No particular end goal. It depends on who and what and when and how. I've had serious boyfriends. I've had five year relationships. I've wanted to be married. I've wanted kids. But every situation and relationship is different."

He asked me, "Did you walk away from all of them?"

"No, I always want to make it work."

This response usually results in silence.

One Tragic, One Hot, One Cool: A Grouper Story

After much discussion with my favorite single lady and partner-in-crime on nights out, we decided to sign up for Grouper. Meeting new friends, hanging out with a potential of three righteous dudes, what could go wrong?

Well, I got cold feet leading up to the big day, and to buffer my low (extremely low) expectations for the clowns we would be meeting with, I chose to live-tweet the occasion. I even made a hashtag for the event, so friends could follow along at home.

Most of the best tidbits I shared in the timeline below, but I figure I can help fill in some of the gaps.

The service sends the location for the date the night before. (No other details are offered, making it a truly blind date.) For some reason the options for neighborhoods from which we could choose were limited. Buckhead or Midtown. Neither is really the scene for my lady posse. Of course, when a dive bar in Virginia Highlands was selected, I couldn't help but wince a little.

So the night finally comes, we arrive at said location, and I beeline for the bar. On the way, my girls and I are intercepted by our dates. Two of them. 

One immediately launches into conversation about how recently he is single, and he doesn't know how to meet women (sadly, he truly didn't have any game). The other is hot in a traditional way, but oozes sleaze. I finally ask, "Isn't there a third?"

Our third suitor eventually arrives and is completely disinterested in being there. I keep wondering if the guys even knew each other, and No-Game Dude just found them on the street. We never quite figure that out.

#3x3

OkStupid

This is a very real thing that happened. I'll tell you about it later.

So after a long hiatus from the online dating scene, I decided I wanted to venture into the jungle (okay, mess) that is OkCupid. I haven't been active on any kind of dating service since 2005, due to my prolonged participation in serial monogamy. What can I say--I am really good at attracting and keeping boyfriends.

But what this journey has shown me, is that, well, I'm also really good at being single.

I've shared some particularly idiotic tidbits on Tumblr, but you will have the pleasure of reading the full stories right here. That is not to say that I am purely doing this for sport, though I suppose I could.

I'm always open to the possibility that I meet somebody, and worlds collide. Lightning strikes. The stars align. We may have already met, but why ruin a good story?